Straight answers
Eight straight answers.
The questions people in this position actually ask before they trust a site like this, answered without marketing.
Is this written by a professional?
No. It is written by one man who was the person making those calls, not the person taking them. James drank daily from eighteen to forty-five, went into residential treatment in Cheshire in June 2020, and has not drunk since. He is not a doctor, a clinician, a counsellor or a solicitor. The vantage point, and its limits, are set out in full.
Should I keep answering the phone?
Not a question this site will answer in either direction. You are the one who lives in what comes afterwards. What is actually being chosen between is set out instead, with the words enabling and abandoning left out of it.
Am I the only one who can reach him?
Almost certainly not, and this site will never tell you that you are. It is a flattering line that keeps people chained to a phone for years. That he tells you the truth means you are far enough away to be safe to tell, not that you have been appointed.
Can I make him get help?
No. You have no standing, and neither does a wife or a mother in most circumstances. What you can do is call an ambulance to him, pass information in to a service even though none comes out, and report a child or an adult at risk. That list is here.
Will the hospital tell me what happened?
No. You are not next of kin, so they will not discuss him and may not even confirm he is there. It is not obstruction, it is confidentiality, and rules vary by country. This site does not give legal advice.
Who pays for this site?
Readers, through membership at the network console. No clinic, broker, treatment provider, fellowship, insurer or medication company has ever paid for content, placement, mention or a link on this network, and no referral fee has ever been accepted. The one declared interest is that James was a paying patient at a private clinic in 2020, named on the about page, which has never paid for anything here and is not recommended.
What does it cost?
The pages are free and stay free. A daily allowance of conversation with the guide is complimentary and needs no account. Membership is bought once at the network console and carries across every guide in the network; the price is shown on the join page rather than here, and the guide will not quote you one — contented.guide.
Why is there no telephone number anywhere?
Because numbers differ by country and change, and a wrong number is worse than none. The safety page names the routes and the number is the one where you are.
How do I help a loved one who will not stop drinking?
You cannot make him stop, and trying to usually costs you more than it costs him. What you can do is say plainly what you see, once, when he is sober; stop covering for him; and look after yourself. Keep the door open without carrying the weight. When he is ready, his GP is the first step, and you can tell him that.
What should I not say to someone who drinks too much?
Avoid labels, threats you will not keep, and arguments when he has been drinking. "You are an alcoholic" rarely opens a door; "I am worried, and here is what I saw on Saturday" sometimes does. Say it once and calmly, then stop. Repeating it every day turns concern into noise.
How do I look after myself when someone I love drinks?
Keep your own routine, sleep and friends, even when it feels selfish. It is not. Tell one person the truth about what is happening at home. Groups such as Al-Anon exist for families, and your own GP can help you too. If you are ever unsafe, leave and get help: the routes are on the safety page.